I recently ran my second half-marathon, and I’ll be honest:
It sucked.
But I’m so glad it did.
The Morning Of
My wife woke me up around 3am at the end of her shift, so it was time for me to watch the newborn.
I prayed that He’d give me some sleep between now and the time I left for my race.
But even sleep couldn’t ease all of my nerves… or help me battle the doubts in my head.
“Why would you run a race with everything going on?”
“You didn’t train enough.”
“This is gonna suck.”
“Take a break, man.”
“You’re not ready.”
“You can back out.”
“Just quit.”
The temptation to retreat was as easy as breathing. I’ll just sleep, not show up, and save myself all that strain and pain.
Then these words filled my heart:
“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.”
And suddenly, quitting felt morally wrong.
Another quote appeared:
“It is not your job to be successful, but to do right; after you have done so, the rest lies with God.”
I exhaled, soaking in the quiet darkness of 4am with my child…
And I knew I had to run, no matter the result.
Alone in a Crowd
I arrived about 45 minutes before the start time, made my way to the corrals, and waited.
Sounds of goal times, phone calls to find loved ones, and dance music filled my ears.
Unlike last year, I ran alone… which made things harder.
Yet here I was, ready to run my heart out.
See, I wasn’t inspired to run to snag a better time.
I wasn’t running to brag about another medal.
I ran to prove that God would use my weakness to display His strength.
And within a few minutes of crossing the starting line, boy, did I feel that weakness.
My breath shortened.
My legs strained to keep up.
My mind clutched onto any reason to keep going.
I’d been running for two years at this point, and yet this race felt like my hardest.
Mile 5. Mile 7. Mile 11.
Mile after mile, I put one foot in front of the other, reminding myself of one thing:
Your power is perfected in my weakness.
When Glory Fades, Whom Do You Trust?
I finished one minute faster than last year, but that made a small dent in my mind.
I collected my medal, ate a “free” banana, and trudged my way through the crowd and back to my car.
With each step, the blaring music and cheers grew fainter.
And I found myself standing in a parking garage, all alone, with those muffled sounds far, far away…
And in that moment, I remembered why I ran in the first place.
His glory, not mine.
And when that glory faded, I remembered whom I trusted.
I didn’t run because it was convenient, full of rewards, necessary, or even that fun.
I ran because, as I howled with some primal determination to cross the finish line, I yearned to see God’s strength on full display.
And I did.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t have been given so much.
And God knows that I gave Him reasons not to bless me.
But here I am.
Trust in Your Weakness
If you face a trial, consider it a joy.
If you struggle to overcome something, thank God for it.
If you fail to see how you’ll climb out of your mess, trust in your God.
It may suck.
You may hurt.
And God’s touch will feel distant.
But know this:
“Be still and know that I am GOD.”